It's hard to believe 6 weeks ago today, Joshua entered & left this world immediately. I wasn't too sure how these weeks would affect me, and to be honest I'm pretty surprised with how I've felt. Ever since we found out at the end of August that Joshua had a fatal condition, the Lord let me grieve, mourn, deal with anger all during the same time that I was enjoying the pregnancy. I feel as though my heart has been guarded & blessed with more comfort than I could have ever imagined. These past 6 weeks have taught me so much more about the unconditional love that our Father lavishes down on us.
Since Joshua's birth & death I have not had too many days where I have been soaked in tears. Today, however, was one of them. It has been exactly 6 weeks since we held our son for just a short time. Kelly, Kaitlynn & I spent this morning at the funeral home & cemetery designing his permanent tombstone. Instead of spending sweet time rocking my son to sleep for a nap, we were deciding between a "Heart" or "Butterfly" design for his marker. Needless to say, I was very, very upset. After the flood of emotions I was dealing with this morning, I was so thankful to leave the funeral home without my heavy & saddened heart. I was reminded during our visit that our time here is very, very short & temporary. Joshua is in the best place ever; he is with our Lord in Heaven. He is perfect.
After leaving the funeral home, we headed to the cemetery to spend some time at Joshua's resting place. The Lord truly comforted me this morning. It was breathtaking walking up to his spot. There was bright green grass over his special place. He was the only one with new growth on the ground. It was absolutely beautiful. Words cannot describe how weightless I felt the moment I saw it. The Lord was cradling me in His arms during that sweet moment.
